Bridegroom available! *Warning bare male knees on view*

[Hairy_Mark]

Just a thought.
As a single parent, i've tried dating sites...full of strange women who don't like motorbikes!
Successful applicants will be a little bit whacky, love bikes and not mind them being in the kitchen (see photo)
The potential bridegroom will promise to try to 'brush up a bit'.

All replies welcome, humorous or otherwise.

Might be pessimism, but I anticipate a lot of funny replies, not too many serious ones! (mind you, I'll be terrified if I get any genuine proposals!)

Don't know if this is allowed or not, but here goes.

Take a look at the photo. A good test would be if you don't immediately burst out laughing, or vomiting. that's a good sign!

[dizzyblonde]

DEAR GOD MAN...you need to polish that downpipe, its proper minging
Future dates will get dazzled by yer pipe if its polished, magpie syndrome, wimmin like shiny things!

Glad you figured out my pics upload instructions

[Hairy_Mark]

Shouldn't be replying to this, myself (especially after looking in the mirror)

Realised i'd forgotten the essential personality data, that you get on dating agencies. I wouldn't want to look unprofessional.
I can't quite remember how it goes, but I've done my best.

Gender : Male (last time I checked)
Height : Yes, but admittedly not too much of it.
Weight : The effect of a gravitational field on mass.
Eyes : Two
Hair : No problem in that department.
Interested in : female homosapiens. (Don't think i need to disclose my interest in sheep at this point)
Hobbies : Smallest birds of prey in Britain, a bit like kestrels to look at. Haven't seen one myself.
Likes : Caravans (overtaking them)
Dislikes : Caravans (getting stuck behind them)
Errr....I think that about does it.

[Hairy_Mark]

Dizzy blonde, i'll get to rubbing my downpipe at the earliest opportunity!

[snapdragon]

Hairy - check
Raptor - check

cover the knees man ferevansakes




i'll allow it for now, but no stalking and no 'more personal' pics please

[Hairy_Mark]

My cunning plan is working!

Before long I will be able to put together all of the advice and become Cumbria's
answer to Cassanova.

Then all the sheep (sorry, that should read ladies) will be at my mercy!

[tyremuncher]

i hope thats not a pink riding crop behind your hair dryer,

[Hairy_Mark]

Negatory!
The riding crop which I use for, erm, sporting activities, is most definitely not pink.
In truth, that is one of my daughter's belts.
The hair dryer doesn't work either, but is just for show. It was worn out by drying out my home-made GRP tail tidy
and shrinking electrical sleeving. Some weirdos apparently use them for drying their hair! Still, it takes all sorts, I suppose.
Notice you haven't fallen for my trap of giving useful seduction techniques. I intend to combine all of the useful advice, in the
form of a new photo at a later date.
Up to now, my new photo will only include gaffa-tape over my knees. I suppose that this means I am near to being a perfect
male specimin?

Come on, girls..get your imaginations going. Just imagine how you could get me to dress up, for the next photo!

My God, I may have let myself in for some severe grief...all in the best possible taste!

[shebee]

I go away for a couple of days and all hell breaks loose ..



I do love the standard of lunacy that you all bring to this site ... you make me smile

[Hairy_Mark]

Used to listen to the band before going to mech eng lectures, I think it helps in lectures and exams having your
head full of the phrase 'We are...Twisted...Fu...oops...Sister!'
Lunacy : Abnormal behaviour believed to be more prevalent at full moon. Its all relative.
Still no tips on wooing the fair sex, you cunning minx?

I guess, i'll just have to dress up for my next piccy as I see fit?

[shebee]

I am sure you will look fit

Personally I think a reference to your engineering background might help... a big adjustable perhaps, or for the younger ones maybe flaunting your RAC card. Gives a nice impression of capable in a crisis and forthought, the annual RAC cover implys that you are not totally comintment adverse.

Maybe a shot of you and your Raptor in front of a Steam hammer? (Photoshop is a possible option here?)

HTH

[shebee]

I too am an mech engineer by training but do have to declare that I was caught by my own engineer many years ago... by the use of a heady mix of Duck Oil , Castrol R and methanol ** - Levi's combined with scruffy old black leather jacket and an (occasionally) white T shirt

Mind you there were never complaints about the bike in the kitchen - it was mine! and we chose our kitchen table for its ability to support a Bonnie motor without collapsing.

**even now if I have to go past the speedway track when they are practicing, I have to turn round and go past again

[Hairy_Mark]

Never thought that this thread would enter the realms of kitchen design.
It would seem reasonable for all kitchen tables to be able to support a Triumph engine.
Perhaps this should be written into Trading Standards law.

The extreme sports industry got its head around this very subject many years ago, 'cos
a skateboard will support an FZR 1000 engine and is very useful for moving the engine
into the living room, so that you can listen to Motorhead better while re-setting tappets etc.

the bike is also useful in the kitchen for hanging coats on, so that they drip dry without wetting
your other outdoor garments.

Ikea may be forward thinking, but they have a long way to go yet.

Perhaps we could combine our expertise to produce a line of bike friendly household goods?

Many apologies to those who don't know me (most of you). I assure you that I will now take my medicine.

[dizzyblonde]

i hope thats not a pink riding crop behind your hair dryer,

I thought it was a pnk light sabre!
Dishwashers, good for cleaning all manner of casings etc, just make sure you never make the mistake of using washing up liquid in it, and be certain to clean it out after, to hide any evidence of it ever being used for anything but dishes
Ovens....nice low setting, good for drying brake calipers.
Kitchen cupboards, careful how you open them, you might get bonked on the head by a can of carb cleaner, might leave a nasty bruise
oh and shelving, thats useful for cataloguing spare levers, sidestands and rear shocks

[shedmonkey]

Shouldnt there be some sort of warning perhaps in the subject section to stop people accidentally coming accross this sort of thing? Scantilly clad (or leather) women is one thing but blokes.

signed Disgruntled from Cumbria