Evanescent yet thunderous

[Hairy_Mark]

Lo. from the wilderness he returns yet again.

Like a varuca you thought had gone away, or like a curry that by mid-morning had not crucified your posterior region, yet still managed to cause severe rectal pain by noon, I return in all triumph! (Cagiva actually, don't be confused by the apparent reference to another brand)

Why (oh why), I hear you ask? Well, let me bl**dy wlell tell you!

Long have I shivered in the cold depths of my soul and also been scared to turn on the heating because of the terrific cost of gas. Yet tonight I reretted sincerely my selfisheness and that I had also abandoned my trusty steed, Bella is her name, to her frosty home in the garage. I rushed forth, full of woe and neglect to see the proud scarlet stallion, gently leaning upon her sidestand. I inserted the magic key, gave it a hopeful twist and she responded...boy she responded!

She roared out loud, venting all of her pent up anger and frustration. Carefuly, so as not to antagonise her, I removed the baffles from her shiny MTC fart-traps.

As I removed the first, her stifled exuberance was released a notch or two. Hardly daring to breathe, even though I exulted in the scent of her own breath. I did this as she ran, inhaling her alluring exhaust scent as it battered rhythmically into my face and dreadlocks. I extracted the second satanic device, put in place by the dreaded EU regulatory bodies (which are similar to the rules of Sauron in The Lord Of The Rings, except a lot worse. Sauron would have joined The Samaritans, kissed Frodo and burnt the ring himself, if he had known what the EU would do).

Instantly, I knew the righteousness of my daring deed. Bella nodded her head and her tone became more sonorous and splendorous than I have ever heard before. Carressing her throttle gently, she rasped willingly in response. Closing the throttle she protested with a positive fusillade of sound, exhaling flames of pure and brilliant colour.

The more I encouraged her with my ministrations upon the throttle, the more she bolstered me in return. Higher revs, then snapping shut the grip produced enthusiastic and rapturous music, followed by percussion to beat the 1812 overture into submission. Cyan, indigo and brilliant yellow flames launched further from her exhausts until I feared that the garage itself would be consumed by her passionate fire. Neighbours shouted in joy (At least I take the words 'shut that f****ng thing up!' to be a cry of inexpressible and happy emotion)

So, I swear now, on the honour of all guinea pigs, dead or hanging on and munching hay, that I will never ride my Raptor with the 'implements of hell' in her exhausts.

From now on we will issue forth and blast all the doubters with both sound and fire, like a portable fireworks display!

Stuff your noise regs Europe...I don't want them!

[shedmonkey]

Well i didnt understand much of that but it sounded good! but i am a man of few words and you are man
of many.

[dizzyblonde]

Woooo the absentee returns!!

Fart traps? What a wonderful description. Baffles are no good for trapped wind
I am lucky, Kitty hasnt a problem with wind, I gave her the free - from alternative Although I sometimes wish she had a place for baffle insertion coz she don't half give you a headache sometimes!

One small question.....a stallion called Bella?

[Raptoress]

thank you for that, I enjoyed it tremendously


and i thoroughly agree, our steeds do sound so much better without baffles, although I admit to being very frightened
when noticing any "fun-police" looking my way.

keep up the writing, I love reading what you have to say.

[vassilis67]

My english fail me.